Posted by: Debbie Abrams Kaplan | November 23, 2009

New Jersey is Paradise on Earth…according to terrorists

Those of you not living in New Jersey might have missed this gem of a story.  While journalist Maziar Bahari was detained in Iran for 118 days, his captors were fascinated with him because he had VISITED NEW JERSEY. Let me repeat that. They were jealous of him and fascinated with him because he was lucky enough to have been to Paradise. That is, New Jersey.

“He thought of New Jersey as kind of like paradise,” Bahari said of his prison guard. “He had to suffer in this world to go to paradise, in order to drink wine and have sex with at least 72 virgins,” said Bahari in a 60 Minutes interview (link).  Apparently this guard thought that you could get sex and booze easily in the Garden State.

Has this guard ever tried visiting a bar in my downtown? At least two exist, but good luck finding one if you don’t know where to look. And getting liquor any place but a liquor store? Not so easy.

As for sex with 72 virgins, I’m just not going there.


  1. Oh god, this is funny. Hard to think of NJ as paradise (though when it was mostly farmland it may have been closer to eden…)! Glad to find your blog!!

  2. Debbie, you keep me laughing. SO great to have a way to stay connected to all your adventures.

  3. q: why do the seagulls fly upside
    down in new jersey?

    a: because they can’t find anything
    worth crapping on

    q: what do you get when you cross a
    New Jerseyite and a monkey?

    a: a retarded monkey

    q: what’s the difference between a
    new jerseyite and a comb?

    a: a comb has teeth.

    q: what do you call a smart guy in

    a: lost

    q: what’s the difference between a
    porcupine and a bar on long beach

    a: the porcupine has the pricks on the

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