‘Twas the night before work, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except at least one fucking mouse;
The blankets were draped on the bed with such care,
In hopes that St. Hypnos soon would reappear;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of Minecraft danced in their heads;
And mama in her flannel jammies, and I in my skivvies
Had just settled down at 10:30 for a regular night of zzzzzzzs.
When out of nowhere there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew with a scream,
Tore open the window and raised up the screen
The moon revealed nothing of what noise I had heard,
I looked for a woodpecker, a squirrel or a bird.
It was 4:45, what animal could it be?
Or was it the heater, nothing I could see.
I used my flashlight in the AC vent, but nothing did appear.
Should I remove the screws and see if an animal does peer?
Mama took to the attic, to look for animals, droppings or nests
And got frightened by a skeleton – a sparkly one from Halloweens past.
There were piles of wigs and hats, costumes galore.
And empty boxes and baby things, stuff we should no longer store.
Alas, there were no animals, or else we frightened them away.
But no worries. They would appear at 4 a.m. the next day.
We bought a few traps, all shiny and taut.
And filled them with vittles, to temp them to get caught.
He found no animals in the soffits, nor the roof nor the floors,
And said we should call him when we knew if it was flying squirrels.
The snap trap worked the very next day; the poor wide-eyed creature was a stiff dead mouse,
The next day we looked and one trap was the same.
The other trap, though, was missing from the frame.
It left us with mysteries, such as what did it catch and did the animal survive?
Before bedtime that night, we checked the glue board,
And found a live mouse, Mama said it couldn’t be ignored.
I, as a scientist, was a seasoned mouse killer,
But those lab mice have no rabies and without gloves I’m in peril.
I managed to kill it using the snap trap,
but it stuck to the glue board, which was sticky as sap.
Mama went back to Home Depot to stock up on more,
And baited them again, as a very big lure.
I know one more’s out there, I heard it at 2,
Another poor sleep, I’m going to end up with the flu.
Mama set the new traps and we hope with all our might,
That we’ll soon have happy sleeptime for all, and to all a good night.
Well done!
By: Mark on November 3, 2014
at 2:22 pm
Alll. the… world seems in tune on some Fall afternoon when we’re POISONING critters in the dark…Every Sunday you’ll see my sweetheart and me as we POISON the critters in the dark…We’ll murder them all amidst laughter and merriment, except for those few Mark takes out to EXPERIMENT…
By: Steve on November 4, 2014
at 5:17 pm
Of Mice and Man. Reads some what like a book title. You certainly have a talant for poetry. But why did you KILL that pretty white mouse??? It was probably some child’s pet.
By: Papa dan on November 4, 2014
at 10:49 pm
Sorrry. I misssspellled talent.
By: Papa dan on November 4, 2014
at 10:51 pm
It was no child’s pet, however my son thought maybe he could keep the live one has his pet. We said no, and then “snap!”
By: Debbie Abrams Kaplan on November 5, 2014
at 7:02 am